[A phone call]
Hey baby, it's me. Yeah. Been an alright day so far. Yeah. So, hey, listen: have you seen this Youtube video about some white girl at UCLA complaining about asians in the library? It's pretty racist huh? Haha, yeah, she's gonna be in some hot soup.
Yeah I just wanted to ask you. You know, watching that video, it got me feeling kinda weird. No, no, I"m not sick or anything it's just - can I ask you something? Promise you won't be mad. Okay. I was wondering, was there ever a point in your life when you just really really hated asians?
Yes I'm serious.
Well just 'cause you're my girlfriend now doesn't mean you weren't a little racist in the past, right? I'm not saying you are, I'm just saying... no? Never? Are... are you sure?
Well it's just kind of hard to believe. No - hey, I'm not being stupid. Lookit, at one time I believed the system taught everyone to tolerate different cultures and beliefs and all that other stuff, but I'm not so sure now. That girl in the video, she wasn't even trying to be a racist but she just was. Is that so far-fetched? For some reason I just... I just had an image of you saying all those crazy things she said.
Woah. WOAH. Calm down, babe. I'm not saying you hate asians at all. Definitely not. I'm just considering the possibility that you, a good-looking, kinda spoiled, university-graduate, white girl could dislike asians - just a little bit! No big deal! Maybe you were really annoyed one day, standing in line to see a monkey or some shit, and for half an hour you heard nothing but old Chinese ladies arguing about their children or whatever. It happens!
I think you're being a little immature with the name-calling right now. I thought we agreed you wouldn't get angry.
Yeah, sure, I understand. Yeah. I'm sure if I heard myself asking me these crazy questions I'd call myself a dumbass too. But at the same time I'd say to myself, "Attaboy, Al! You're making sure you're not gonna commit to a relationship with a secret Sinophobe! You don't wanna be the guy she gets with just to show the asian community she ain't a racist anymore. Don't you let her off that hook! Don't let her turn you into the whitey's token 'minority friend.' She doesn't really give a shit about you or your culture! She doesn't even like soy sauce! She --- "
Hello?
I gotta tell ya, breaking up with me right now doesn't really help your "not a racist" case. Feels a lot like you're getting rid of me so you won't have to answer some difficult questions. Feels like, maybe, these questions have awoken some deeply buried yellow hate in ya. Feels like suddenly, you just realized you're going out with a dirty dirty chinese fella and it's tearing you up inside! Just fess up! I don't care if you got a little bit of a racial superiority complex going on! I still love ya! All of ya! Even the parts that're full of hate for me and my people!
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, I guess I'll see you around? Maybe? Hey, at least we'll always have the library - I won't ever forget our first date. Talking for hours, laughing like a pair of fools, hopelessly in love. Oh how we laughed! Ahh, good times. Good times.
And don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
Ha ha! Suuure you're not. Sure. You just have a nice day, you.
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