Before donating blood you gotta get through this little information booklet they give you and answer some 30-or-so questions. These things were designed to filter out folks that may be carrying some shit in their blood that blood collectors obviously wouldn't want to take and give to sick little dying Jimmy up in cancer ward. (But imagine if they did? Little ol' Jimster would have to be the unluckiest kid in the world wouldn't he?)
Some things you wouldn't expect would factor in to the whole donating business, such as: (1) Drug use. (2) Staying in Europe during the 80s. (3) Having sex with prostitutes. ...Okay, sex with prostitutes, that does make sense since those ladies of the night are shadier than your average lady (of the day?). But, and this is what amazed me - sex with any kind of prostitute. At all. At any point in your entire life, can get you disqualified from donating.(!)
So I'm sitting there in the waiting room, turning over some mental math, saying to myself, "Jeez, man. If one prostitute has sex with maybe 10 different dudes a day, everyday, for a standard year, by golly she'd've had sex with 3650 guys! That's 3650 guys who, for the rest of their lives, can't donate blood. And even if they were tested clean, they'd still have to carry a stigma with them every time they answer this little questionnaire at their nearest donation station. With that hanging over their heads they probably wouldn't donate at all." Then I figured, "Man, and if they're the types who'd have sex with a prostitute they wouldn't stop at one would they? If all of those fellers had sex with one extra prostitute for that year, and every prostitute had sex with 10 different fellers a year, that'd be like hundreds of thousands of dudes that won't be donating blood ever!" (I suck at math)
Then this older gentlemen walks in, takes a seat near me, and starts going through the literature. I'm staring at this feller absolutely amazed. He sees me staring. He asks me why'm I staring at him. I apologize and I ask him, "Mister, do you do this a lot? Donating blood?" He says yeah. I ask him, "Like, since you were my age?" He says yeah, right about. And I says to him, "That's amazing." He asks why. I says, "Well sir, you look about 60 and change. You're still pretty strong and healthy looking and you're still donating blood." He chuckles. He says it's all about staying positive and healthy. And he goes on and on about living right before I interrupt him, "Sir, I gotta ask ya, how in the world did you not have sex with a prostitute for the 3 score and more years of living?"
His brows furrowed initially. Afraid I was losing him, I pointed to the booklet. He understood immediately afterward. "Hmm," he said, as he looked upward in thought, chin rested on his worn fist. I could see almost a glint come across his clouded blue eyes before he turned to me, face wrinkled up in a wise man's smile, replying, "Well, I wouldn't be able to donate if I did that, would I?"
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, July 08, 2011
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Monday, July 04, 2011
The Crawl
Woo! As Bruce would say, "All men must make their way come Independence Day." ...That line doesn't really apply to this comic but it was the best "cool quote" I can think of for the holiday. More tomorrow!
Friday, July 01, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Pancakes
Due to injury, I'm confined in a seat most of the time now. Figured, might as well start a new series.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
The Fast and the Furious 6: The Revelation
Jesus Christ. I look at the date of my last post and realize that three months have gone by without me writing anything. So what better time to pick it up than midnight, when I'm terribly sleepy and have to wake up early for work.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I saw Fast Five starring Vin Diesel, THE ROCK, and a few others. Watching the racing scenes got me thinking about a problem I had with the Fast and Furious series.
Don't get me wrong though. The series is awesome. Except for the second film. And the third film. And kind of the first film. I haven't seen the fourth film, so I'll bar myself from commenting on it, except that it probably sucks in comparison to the fifth film.
Jumping back from that tangent, I have a problem with the way the drivers shift gears in their cars. So here's how it supposed to work: a guy gases the pedal hard until he has to shift gears to maintain max acceleration. Repeat until he reaches max speed and/or wins the race. However, in the films' races, the drivers stay on certain gears forever and then only shift when someone is about to overtake them.
So if the point is to be the fastest, why not just shift immediately when you reach a gear's acceleration and velocity limit, instead of waiting?
With this premise, it is clear that there is always an optimal timing in shifting gears. Then I thought, this timing would be so easy to achieve with some kind of computer. Something like a machine... or a robot.
Since computers have risen, man has always tried to compete with it. For example, there's the chess computer Deep Blue versus grandmaster Kasparov in chess, and the Jeopardy playing computer Watson versus Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings. There are probably more examples than I listed, but I'm sure they all ended up the same, with an ass-whipping of the humans by the computers.
With this in mind, I would like to see a sixth installment to the F&F franchise in which a super nerd builds a racing robot car with the sole function of defeating Vin Diesel in a race.
Imagine Vin Diesel dominating race after race in Europe, and then suddenly, a nerd shows up at his doorstep and taunts him, "Hey Vin Diesel, betcha can't take on my Robocar here." Out of amusement and pity for the nerd, Vin Diesel agrees to race.
Vin Diesel drives up to the starting line and stares in disgust at the Robocar, which revs its engines in anticipation as it prepares to race against its eternal rival.
The Robocar was born for this moment: to either defeat Vin Diesel or die trying.
During the race, Vin Diesel observes the Robocar going toe to toe with him, matching his speed every inch of the way. No less can be expected from the Robocar, since it is basically cheating, because of its nanosecond calculations and response time.
Little do they both know that a nefarious super villain group of nerds has planted explosives in the racing path in order to capture Vin Diesel for evil reasons.
The road explodes, destroying Vin Diesel's car, hurtling him through the air. In mid flight, he sees that the Robocar's creator is fatally wounded. Moments from meeting the same fate, Vin Diesel is caught and rescued by none other than the Robocar, because Vin Diesel must survive if the Robocar wants to fulfill its destiny.
In the chaos ensuing from the explosion, the Robocar drives Vin Diesel to the safety of an abandoned warehouse/garage, away from the super villain nerds. Vin Diesel yells at the Robocar, insulting it for lacking a real racing passion, running away from danger, and not having a soul. The Robocar roars its engine in anguish and drives away, leaving an injured Vin Diesel in an existential crisis.
Vin Diesel treads his way back to civilization and intoxicates himself with memories of why he started racing and how he became great. However, being car-less and thus, powerless, Vin Diesel soon falls under the capture of the super villain nerds. They torture and truth-serum him. He spills the secrets to his incredible gear shifting prowess, which the super villain nerds input in a hideous vehicle called the Evil-mobile.
They reveal that the leader of the villain nerds is a former friend of Robocar's creator, hellbent on defeating Robocar no matter the cost. Burned and battered, Vin Diesel wonders if this is the end for Vin Diesel.
As Diesel's last drop of hope descends into darkness, a massive force crashes through the wall of the evil nerd lair and lets loose a powerful roar that can only belong to the Robocar.
Perfect timing, says the villain nerd, who challenges the Robocar to a race. The Robocar sees Vin Diesel's suffering and immediately accepts.
The Robocar and the Evil-mobile speed from starting location towards the finish line. They match speeds perfectly, and it appears that neither is capable of outdoing the other, until Vin Diesel shouts out something incomprehensible to the Robocar. The Robocar, as if shot by adrenaline, manages to accelerate infinitesimally faster and defeats the Evil-mobile.
The Evil-mobile malfunctions from losing and crashes into the nerd lair's control grid. The Robocar picks up Vin Diesel, and they narrowly escape the fiery explosive destruction of the lair.
This time, Vin Diesel thanks the Robocar. He realizes that all along, the Robocar was not his worst enemy, but rather, his best friend.
The two racers, human and robot, travel the continent and slowly discover what separates man from machine. Vin Diesel teaches Robocar to speak, to feel pain, and eventually, to love.
Soon, the Robocar understands much of what it takes to be human. However, it also realizes that its existence is an abomination and will only lead to more creatures like him, but capable of pure evil.
The two end their trip at a steel mill on a catwalk atop a pool of molten steel. The Robocar heads slowly towards the side of the walkway. In tears, Vin Diesel begs him to stop, but the Robocar knows what it must do.
"I know now why you cry, but it's something I can never do," says Robocar, reassuring Vin Diesel of the inevitable.
Vin Diesel hugs Robocar one last time. Robocar descends slowly into the molten steel, saving the world from something it is not ready for. His metal parts curl into thumbs up gesture as he is consumed by flames. One last engine roar sounds. Then an echo. Then silence.
******
Years pass. It has been long since anyone has heard the whereabouts of Vin Diesel. But legends say that wherever a mighty robotic engine roar sounds in the horizon, you can bet that Vin Diesel will be there chasing it.
End
Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I saw Fast Five starring Vin Diesel, THE ROCK, and a few others. Watching the racing scenes got me thinking about a problem I had with the Fast and Furious series.
Don't get me wrong though. The series is awesome. Except for the second film. And the third film. And kind of the first film. I haven't seen the fourth film, so I'll bar myself from commenting on it, except that it probably sucks in comparison to the fifth film.
Jumping back from that tangent, I have a problem with the way the drivers shift gears in their cars. So here's how it supposed to work: a guy gases the pedal hard until he has to shift gears to maintain max acceleration. Repeat until he reaches max speed and/or wins the race. However, in the films' races, the drivers stay on certain gears forever and then only shift when someone is about to overtake them.
So if the point is to be the fastest, why not just shift immediately when you reach a gear's acceleration and velocity limit, instead of waiting?
With this premise, it is clear that there is always an optimal timing in shifting gears. Then I thought, this timing would be so easy to achieve with some kind of computer. Something like a machine... or a robot.
Since computers have risen, man has always tried to compete with it. For example, there's the chess computer Deep Blue versus grandmaster Kasparov in chess, and the Jeopardy playing computer Watson versus Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings. There are probably more examples than I listed, but I'm sure they all ended up the same, with an ass-whipping of the humans by the computers.
With this in mind, I would like to see a sixth installment to the F&F franchise in which a super nerd builds a racing robot car with the sole function of defeating Vin Diesel in a race.
Imagine Vin Diesel dominating race after race in Europe, and then suddenly, a nerd shows up at his doorstep and taunts him, "Hey Vin Diesel, betcha can't take on my Robocar here." Out of amusement and pity for the nerd, Vin Diesel agrees to race.
Vin Diesel drives up to the starting line and stares in disgust at the Robocar, which revs its engines in anticipation as it prepares to race against its eternal rival.
The Robocar was born for this moment: to either defeat Vin Diesel or die trying.
During the race, Vin Diesel observes the Robocar going toe to toe with him, matching his speed every inch of the way. No less can be expected from the Robocar, since it is basically cheating, because of its nanosecond calculations and response time.
Little do they both know that a nefarious super villain group of nerds has planted explosives in the racing path in order to capture Vin Diesel for evil reasons.
The road explodes, destroying Vin Diesel's car, hurtling him through the air. In mid flight, he sees that the Robocar's creator is fatally wounded. Moments from meeting the same fate, Vin Diesel is caught and rescued by none other than the Robocar, because Vin Diesel must survive if the Robocar wants to fulfill its destiny.
In the chaos ensuing from the explosion, the Robocar drives Vin Diesel to the safety of an abandoned warehouse/garage, away from the super villain nerds. Vin Diesel yells at the Robocar, insulting it for lacking a real racing passion, running away from danger, and not having a soul. The Robocar roars its engine in anguish and drives away, leaving an injured Vin Diesel in an existential crisis.
Vin Diesel treads his way back to civilization and intoxicates himself with memories of why he started racing and how he became great. However, being car-less and thus, powerless, Vin Diesel soon falls under the capture of the super villain nerds. They torture and truth-serum him. He spills the secrets to his incredible gear shifting prowess, which the super villain nerds input in a hideous vehicle called the Evil-mobile.
They reveal that the leader of the villain nerds is a former friend of Robocar's creator, hellbent on defeating Robocar no matter the cost. Burned and battered, Vin Diesel wonders if this is the end for Vin Diesel.
As Diesel's last drop of hope descends into darkness, a massive force crashes through the wall of the evil nerd lair and lets loose a powerful roar that can only belong to the Robocar.
Perfect timing, says the villain nerd, who challenges the Robocar to a race. The Robocar sees Vin Diesel's suffering and immediately accepts.
The Robocar and the Evil-mobile speed from starting location towards the finish line. They match speeds perfectly, and it appears that neither is capable of outdoing the other, until Vin Diesel shouts out something incomprehensible to the Robocar. The Robocar, as if shot by adrenaline, manages to accelerate infinitesimally faster and defeats the Evil-mobile.
The Evil-mobile malfunctions from losing and crashes into the nerd lair's control grid. The Robocar picks up Vin Diesel, and they narrowly escape the fiery explosive destruction of the lair.
This time, Vin Diesel thanks the Robocar. He realizes that all along, the Robocar was not his worst enemy, but rather, his best friend.
The two racers, human and robot, travel the continent and slowly discover what separates man from machine. Vin Diesel teaches Robocar to speak, to feel pain, and eventually, to love.
Soon, the Robocar understands much of what it takes to be human. However, it also realizes that its existence is an abomination and will only lead to more creatures like him, but capable of pure evil.
The two end their trip at a steel mill on a catwalk atop a pool of molten steel. The Robocar heads slowly towards the side of the walkway. In tears, Vin Diesel begs him to stop, but the Robocar knows what it must do.
"I know now why you cry, but it's something I can never do," says Robocar, reassuring Vin Diesel of the inevitable.
Vin Diesel hugs Robocar one last time. Robocar descends slowly into the molten steel, saving the world from something it is not ready for. His metal parts curl into thumbs up gesture as he is consumed by flames. One last engine roar sounds. Then an echo. Then silence.
******
Years pass. It has been long since anyone has heard the whereabouts of Vin Diesel. But legends say that wherever a mighty robotic engine roar sounds in the horizon, you can bet that Vin Diesel will be there chasing it.
End
Monday, April 04, 2011
Happy Birthday, Big Momma
Hey Matt
I bet you’re surprised to see this. Maybe not. I dunno. It doesn’t matter. Listen, lately I’ve been around a lot of tragedy and pain and old folks (who’re living embodiments of tragedy and pain); and you could say it’s given me some perspective on life. It’s gotten me thinking – you know what? Everyone gets sick. Everybody ends the same way. If I’m going to go tomorrow, I’d rather not go hard into the night wondering “Whatever happened to that feller I used to know?” Would I come back from the dead, a spirit weighed down by chains of regret? Would I moan guilt in dark loneliness, a mongol Jacob Marley, cooked books and broken promises heavy at the end of my shackles? I don’t know. I’d rather not find out when it’s too late.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Some Pics From My Sims Life
 |
| Here's me yelling inspirational words at Fox as he pumps iron. Hoss, balding from overstress (the game did this, I didn't), runs on the treadmill in the background. |
List of Freak Out Moments
Ever since I graduated things have gone exactly the opposite of how I envisioned life would go. Which is not to say that it is a bad thing - it's all how you look at it. I like to view my situation as a valuable life experience, one in which I never EVER want to repeat. Never. Because I am very, very traumatized.
I'd say, if it weren't for the company of my understanding family and friends, I'd be a lot more emotionally fragile. Moreso than I am now, which is currently at threat level "Sensitive" (Inbetween "Dismissive Laugh" and "Obvious Silence"). But this long employment drought has me leaning perhaps a little bit too much on my friends, in the form of daily night-time hours-long chat-and-game sessions, coupled with weekly bball/activity meetings. Inevitably, familiarity breeds all kinds of contempt.
With the approval of Vic, I've decided to share with ya'll the various times over the past year in which we've raged against one another:
I'd say, if it weren't for the company of my understanding family and friends, I'd be a lot more emotionally fragile. Moreso than I am now, which is currently at threat level "Sensitive" (Inbetween "Dismissive Laugh" and "Obvious Silence"). But this long employment drought has me leaning perhaps a little bit too much on my friends, in the form of daily night-time hours-long chat-and-game sessions, coupled with weekly bball/activity meetings. Inevitably, familiarity breeds all kinds of contempt.
With the approval of Vic, I've decided to share with ya'll the various times over the past year in which we've raged against one another:
Friday, March 18, 2011
What I'd Say to My White Girlfriend After Watching the UCLA Student's Racist Rant
[A phone call]
Hey baby, it's me. Yeah. Been an alright day so far. Yeah. So, hey, listen: have you seen this Youtube video about some white girl at UCLA complaining about asians in the library? It's pretty racist huh? Haha, yeah, she's gonna be in some hot soup.
Yeah I just wanted to ask you. You know, watching that video, it got me feeling kinda weird. No, no, I"m not sick or anything it's just - can I ask you something? Promise you won't be mad. Okay. I was wondering, was there ever a point in your life when you just really really hated asians?
Yes I'm serious.
Hey baby, it's me. Yeah. Been an alright day so far. Yeah. So, hey, listen: have you seen this Youtube video about some white girl at UCLA complaining about asians in the library? It's pretty racist huh? Haha, yeah, she's gonna be in some hot soup.
Yeah I just wanted to ask you. You know, watching that video, it got me feeling kinda weird. No, no, I"m not sick or anything it's just - can I ask you something? Promise you won't be mad. Okay. I was wondering, was there ever a point in your life when you just really really hated asians?
Yes I'm serious.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Dolphin Research Proposal
So I was watching this Nova special about intelligence in animals. They talked the famous talking parrot Alex, camouflaging mollusks, this one smart ass dog who actually inferred something, and some others.
To me, by far the most incredible feat was these two dolphins communicating about, creating, and then performing a new trick. Let's talk about dolphins for a bit. We know they are smart sea creatures capable of doing cool sea tricks, looking happy, and sometimes exhibiting very disturbing sexual behavior. We also know that they can use echolocation, and that they communicate using clicks and whistles. However, we don't exactly know the nature of this communication. Are they akin to, say, sounds that a theoretical caveman might make, i.e. a yell to signify danger, a grunt to signify food, a different grunt to signify other caveman things? Or do these clicks and whistles have structure? In other words, can dolphins discuss and exchange ideas?
To me, by far the most incredible feat was these two dolphins communicating about, creating, and then performing a new trick. Let's talk about dolphins for a bit. We know they are smart sea creatures capable of doing cool sea tricks, looking happy, and sometimes exhibiting very disturbing sexual behavior. We also know that they can use echolocation, and that they communicate using clicks and whistles. However, we don't exactly know the nature of this communication. Are they akin to, say, sounds that a theoretical caveman might make, i.e. a yell to signify danger, a grunt to signify food, a different grunt to signify other caveman things? Or do these clicks and whistles have structure? In other words, can dolphins discuss and exchange ideas?
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